Sunday

Feeling Down

During the last week, I have felt more and more depressed again.

First of all, it might be, because last of our rats died on July 31th and I was grieving (still am).

But my inability to earn decent income is pressing me down even more. Translation jobs are coming in slowly and are mostly very small.

Almost every day, I sent out my application to at least one employer, but none of them even invited me to an interview... Not that I wanted those underqualified jobs in the first place...

But, with every day without change, there is less and less hope in me...

Money is scarce, and the belief, that I'm actually living on the expense of my children makes me feel more and more like a useless burden to them...

When they were small, I felt like they needed me. Now, they might be better off without me...

Another thing, that depresses me, is the isolation. All my friends live abroad and so does half of my family. But the lives of my relatives, that still live here, are hard enough not to burden them with my heaviness...

This is not the inner state that makes me able to paint. I started and finished 3 more paintings, but was not happy with them, so, that's it for a while I guess.




For now, I'm barely keeping up with adding some paint to my diary pages like this, for instance.


To see more inspiring creativity jump over to these sites

And you know I'm always happy to hear from you, right?
Please, feel free to leave a comment here or contact me at ritajc(at)inbox(dot)lv

10 comments:

Joanne said...

sorry that you are feeling so down rita -- I know life can be very hard sometimes -- I am loving your new paintings --

Arlene said...

Rita - hang in there. Sometimes it seems like there are just no answers, but usually something happens and we are able to move on. Sending you healing light.

Rita Juse-Cirkse said...

Thank you so much, Arlene & Joanne!

Indigene Theresa said...

Rita, I'm so sorry that you're going through such a tough time. I know that there is not much I can do to help in this, but know that I send you my hugs, prayers and positive light to surround you during these dark times. You are only a burden in your mind, not to anyone.

Rita Juse-Cirkse said...

Thank you so much, Theresa!

Deanna said...

Sending you love and hope as you work through this time. You new paintings are so bright and lively, I hope you keep painting, it may help in the dark times.

Giggles said...

Oh Rita I hope you can pull yourself up and out of this funk!! So sorry life feels so hard! I hope you know your children probably adore you and would be sick to know the despair you feel.Try to write a few positive things down about your day and see if that doesn't help change your heart! I know how difficult it is but try not to dwell on the negative...because it grows when you feed it!! I have been through so many hard times yet somehow I always pull out! I hope you do too!! Sending love and light...

Hugs Giggles

Rita Juse-Cirkse said...

Thank you so much, everybody! Feeling a bit better already. :)

Gina said...

Your paintings show your sadness babe. And I'm sure your kids appreciate the sacrifices you have made for them and are glad to be able to help you now. Hang in there sweetheart, good things will come <3 XXX

Rita Juse-Cirkse said...

Thank you, Gina! We all are living practically from the money my minor children receive from their father and the government. And my teenagers aren't happy about that, believe me.