Sunday

An Intense Week

The week started with a still inflamed jaw and my first therapy session.

I felt really tired after 2 and 1/2 hours of telling "my story" and crying, but the conversation really helped me to change the way I was looking at my situation.

On Tuesday, I started to work at a tailor's shop. It was more of a learning than working, but I managed not to ruin this top. :)


Needed 2 full working days though to sew it together the right way with 2 machines I had never touched before. :)

By the end of the week, it was pretty clear to me, that earning a living as a seamstress isn't for me.

But I learned a load over there and leaving the house every day worked for me in many other ways as well:

1. on most days, I walked to and from work and discovered lovely streets and beautiful trees on the way
2. I visited my mom twice on my way home, one of the times, I met my sister at my mom's as well
3. I started to get used to a new routine
4. I made some new acquaintances
5. the owner of the tailor's shop might appreciate my other services in the future
6. I found a shop that would be glad to sell my creations including paintings
7. I was feeling much less depressed than lately

Late on Saturday night I had a crying attack, when I stopped keeping me together and just let out all the stress.

But it wasn't too severe, and I even managed, somehow, to explain my condition to my youngest son, who came to me asking what happened. :)

Cool, right?

In addition, on Saturday night, I discovered the first decent job offering after months of searching.

I e-mailed my application right away not expecting to receive any answer sooner than on Monday, if any at all.

Today, the director/owner invited me to a job interview on Wednesday, although I had forgotten to attach my CV to the e-mail. :) YAY!

I really hope I get the job and it's really fulfilling, not only bringing in some money.

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Another Tough Week

Last week started out really nicely with great time spent with friends online and offline.

And I worked on this painting.


And I added something to my diary every day.

And, on Thursday, I found out, that I can get 10 sessions with a therapist for free and registered for the first one. And I experienced real support and understanding in the social services.

Besides, the same day, 3 employers invited me to an interview. Two of them wanted me to start working right away.

I really liked one of the tailor shops. But it's a new business, and the income is too insecure.

The third one is a supermarket with really long working days, but at least guarantied minimal wage. Now, I'm not sure, what to do...

In addition, a tooth started bothering me on Wednesday. It has been problematic for years, and, mostly, it stopped aching after a couple of days.

This time, it seems to be really bad. I don't have money for the dentist. But, if I don't get it fixed, I, most probably, can't start working anywhere...

That's why I loved working from home, as I could do it even being sick and in my PJs. But that's not an option for me any more I guess.

So, I'm feeling really powerless, trapped in my body and circumstances again...

And Robin Williams took his life on Monday...

Thank goodness for the great course with GP Walsh! It helps me to hang on. (BTW: I can still get you in for $97. Just let me know, OK?)

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Feeling Down

During the last week, I have felt more and more depressed again.

First of all, it might be, because last of our rats died on July 31th and I was grieving (still am).

But my inability to earn decent income is pressing me down even more. Translation jobs are coming in slowly and are mostly very small.

Almost every day, I sent out my application to at least one employer, but none of them even invited me to an interview... Not that I wanted those underqualified jobs in the first place...

But, with every day without change, there is less and less hope in me...

Money is scarce, and the belief, that I'm actually living on the expense of my children makes me feel more and more like a useless burden to them...

When they were small, I felt like they needed me. Now, they might be better off without me...

Another thing, that depresses me, is the isolation. All my friends live abroad and so does half of my family. But the lives of my relatives, that still live here, are hard enough not to burden them with my heaviness...

This is not the inner state that makes me able to paint. I started and finished 3 more paintings, but was not happy with them, so, that's it for a while I guess.




For now, I'm barely keeping up with adding some paint to my diary pages like this, for instance.


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Friday

New Paintings

Last week has been really nice for me.

Most of all because I re-started painting after a year long hiatus. And it feel really good to be able to do it again.

These are 3 of the 4 paintings I started and finished this week. The #4 was finished tonight and it was too dark for a shoot already.




Besides, I swam in the sea almost every night and even rode a bike to and from the beach, which was something new and really brave of me. It all brought back something of the happy childhood feelings.

In addition, we got some rain yesterday and the temps have dropped a bit, but it's still warm enough for me to sleep on the balcony. :)

And I had one more sale on Etsy.

So, yes, this was a really nice week,

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A Nice Week

This past week has been a bit easier on me in spite of the heat we are having here right now.

* I added a bit to my diary spreads every day. These are some of the "finished" ones.




* My daughter underwent the medical tests she needs to submit her papers to the next school.

* I visited my sister and we had a good chat. On the way home, I did some good shopping.

* The heat is still high, but bearable. Last night, I slept on the balcony. It felt really great!

* My oldest son helped me to reset his old iPhone he gave to me, so, now, I can use it.

* I had a tiny sale on Etsy.

* On Wednesday, I started to participate in the 5 week course The Chakra Effect: Evolving Into A Harmonious Human with GP Walsh.

GPs teaching resonates with me 100%, but I didn't have the money to take the course. When I said it to GP, he invited me to join for free and made my heart sing!

Now, I can get you in for $97. If you are interested, please, contact me via e-mail shown below.

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Hibernating in Summer

The heat is gone. There were a couple of chill and rainy days, but, now, it's sunny and warm.

It would be nice to be outside, but... I'm mostly sitting inside reading or watching movies.

And dabbing or doodling over my diary pages now and than. From the finished spreads, this is my favorite so far.

Thank goodness for the need to walk our dog (although those walks turn out pretty stressful sometimes) and to buy groceries, or I might not leave the house for weeks.

Have sent my CV to at least 10 employers. One of them even invited me to an interview. After that - silence... Didn't like most of the vacancies anyway... But how to live and feed my 2 youngest kids and our 4 pets without money in this world? And how to feel worthwhile without anybody ready to reward my services?

Listed another of my works in my shop on redbubble.com. But what change does it make? Depressing...

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Dabbing & Doodling

There is not much to show off. For the last 5-6 days, a heat wave is my main excuse. 

Temperatures next to +30C are really hard to bear here in the North. Thank goodness, it's starting to cover up and chill down today!

But I'm still playing in my diary at least a bit every day. This is the page finished today.


I'm not particularly happy with it, but I love, that after not touching any art supplies for almost a year, it all feels new to me again.

And I don't know, for how long I will do it in these old altered books, as the pages are definitely too fragile for my method of working in many layers and using a fair amount of water.

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Nature Inspired

I'm still not creating much. Would have plenty of time for that: I still haven't found a day job and am not getting serious translation jobs lately.

But not being needed and payed for it makes me feel pretty depressed and not creative at all.

So, most of my time is spent with sleep, books and movies. Would love to knit, but my left hand isn't healed enough for that.

So, I'm still playing in my diary. This is the page finished last night.


It is even good enough for the Journal52 project, as this week's prompt is Nature Inspired. :) Many flowers are blooming here in Latvia right now. And I love them all!

It is all super simple, and I'm not very happy about that. So I feel a longing for getting my hand on a "real" painting rising again. We'll see, right? :)


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Baby Steps

After months of not touching any art supplies, I'm starting to add color to my plain and boring diary pages and doing it more or less every day.


Nothing fancy, just playing with water soluble soft pastels and acrylic varnish. But it's a start, right? :)

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Thursday

The Darkness Seems To Be Starting To Lift

As some of you might have noticed, I have been quiet for about 4 month. Haven't done anything art related during all that time as well.

Even the 2 year long art journal projects turned into a plain diary like this for me.

Those months have been really hard on me:
* my daughter changed schools in the middle of the graduation year
* we all moved because of that
* she barely graduated and was diagnosed with chronic illness
* I had less and less income and got sick again and again
* I spiraled down into a really deep dark hole without having the money to get professional help
etc. etc.

Even the great job my youngest son did during his first year at art school and other nice things were barely holding me over the surface.

But, lately, the huge heavy darkness seems to be starting to lift now and then.

Tomorrow, my daughter is having her graduation ceremony. I just finished a tulle skirt for her gown and hope to shoot a decent pic of her in it tomorrow.

And I'm starting to add some color to my diary pages. :)

How have you been lately?  You know I'm always happy to hear from you, right?
Please, feel free to leave a comment here or contact me at ritajc(at)inbox(dot)lv.