For the last week or so, I was feeling pretty frustrated because I seemingly couldn't hold back from having snacks almost all day long, especially - in the evenings. And it went from healthy to much less healthy very fast.
And another development I was puzzled about was me not drinking enough water in spite of my knowledge about its benefits to the body and the symptoms of dehydration I recognized.
I asked my nervous system, what it's about, why is it happening. The first answer was: "You need to eat to become big and strong."
Then, we had a chat, and the system seemed to get that the world is different know, and that I have another kind of strength enough to manage my life.
But I felt that there was something else to it. Until it came during a silent meditation: it was about guilt.
The mind was quick with the "knowledge", that it was a "try to dampen the guilt I felt about my decisions that brought about the death of pets that were under my control".
But, when I looked deeper, I saw that this emotional, addictive eating was intensifying the feeling of guilt to bring it to my attention.
Because, after another unhealthy snack, I felt guilty for the damage that I caused to my body and the money I spent for it. Although I was seemingly powerless against that impulse.
Sitting in the silence, I realized, that my system was practically punishing itself for those decisions.
And, very soon, there came a reminder from the depth of my heart: those beings were supposed to be set free from their bodies at that exact moment in that exact way, and I was there to make those "decisions", because I was the one capable of that.
That lifted a huge weight from my shoulders.
The cravings haven't stopped, because the system always needs time to change it's assumptions and adjust to the heart's knowledge. And, sometimes, I still have some not so healthy snack.
But I'm not angry at the system any more. And I don't feel guilt about it. (Maybe a little bit.) Because I have decided to welcome those cravings and to use them as reminders to drink water. Feeling really good about that. :)