How To Enjoy Making Decisions

Decision making has always meant some level of fear to me. The more important the decision, the more intense the fear.

Even after knowing deeply that there is not such thing as ultimate mistakes, that everything is just a part of the journey for me and for everybody involved, it didn't get much easier.

And, after making a decision, there was always some fear that it was the "wrong" one.

I know now that it comes from the conditioning deeply ingrained in my nervous system, that "mistakes" are real and their consequences - painful.

What else could it learn growing up as a child who wanted nothing more than make everybody around it happy but never succeeded completely?

It has taken me decades, first, to discover this conditioning, then, to accept it for what it was: the instinct of self-preservation of the body/person, and, then, many sessions of Inner Reconciliation to help the nervous system to unlearn the conditioning.

Lately, I am asking: "What is Love wanting to do through me now?" again and again, moment by moment.

And feeling/hearing the answer much clearer than before.

Especially, since I am paying attention to if it feels loving to my body/person, when I do something "for others".

So, some fear is still there, especially, with "bigger decisions" and as long as I am still living together with my two youngest kids.

But paying attention to feelings and sensations in my body, questioning the beliefs behind them (which is what Love often wants to do through me) let's my nervous system relax and even enjoy the process of making decisions.

And helping others to do the same and seeing how it works for them creates even more joy in my experience.

I would love to help you, too. Schedule a FREE session with me to see, if I can. :)

Post Scriptum

Remember my big decision?

Two days went by and I caught myself adding paint to a page in my journal and having fun. :)

And my daughter asked me to repair her friend's bracelet. :)

It all feels different than before the decision though.

Putting away all those supplies and tools might have helped the system to really get it that there are no more "should's" sucking all pleasure out of it.

I'm still not returning to any art groups or watching art/crafts videos.

And I'm consciously holding me back from photography, as I really see and experience much more, when I don't try to snatch a shot to share.

Big Decision

This is not the first time, that I thought about consciously quitting all things visual arts and crafts at least for a while.

Actually, during the last couple of years, I haven't done much in that direction. And even when I did it, mostly, felt like pushing a huge stone up a hill just to see it roll back again. There was no joy, no energy, no flow in it.

The only motivation was the thought, that I "should" do it because I can due to my talents and skills. The thing is, I have a s***load of them. Except for one: making money with it.

After I got that wonderful transcription job I was over the moon. There is no deadline and the amount is huge, and I'm eager to do it and to learn from it on the way. But, somehow, I could never find more time nor energy to do it for much more than one hour a day.

Although I wasn't doing any arts or crafts either. That made me pretty frustrated. I even asked GP Walsh, if he had an explanation, what this could be about.

He wrote in the answer:
"No explanation, Just let it unfold. Often times there are things that interfere with our growth. Resistance takes many many forms. Don't be concerned. Just allow it to be there and stay aware."

And so I did, but the overall feeling was not pleasant at all. And it all circled around that thought, that I should use all my talents to support my family, although arts, crafts, or even any of my businesses have never been capable of doing that on a serious scale and for longer time. Believe it or not, it has always been only at the very beginning of a new thing I started, when it actually worked.

So, today, I deleted my art page and my crafts page on Facebook, my accounts at spoonflower.com, society6.com and redbubble.com, left most art/crafts related groups there and decided to stop watching/reading/listening to any materials about arts, crafts and business building.

All webinar notes on those themes will go to a recycle bin as well. I'm still leaving my destash shop on Etsy open until the last listings expire as well as my jewelry and accessories in a shop in the town. 

I have still to decide what I do with the bead weaving classes I just started to teach. Might still continue doing that for a while. But all the arts/crafts tools and supplies I don't need for that will be put away.

Getting rid of them permanently isn't an option right now, because my son is in art school and my daughter is learning to become a dressing style consultant, so they might need them at some point. Besides, I never said I would never go back to visual art/crafts, right?

I'm still reluctant of giving up photography and the last art related group on Facebook for the time being as well. But feeling deep in my gut that I must.

For now, I'm just following my curiosity, as Elizabeth Gilbert suggested.

And feeling light like a feather again. :)

Update: Left the photography and the last group as well. :)

My First Find of 2011 - You Can Decide!

This is it. Your New Year is here. Though you cannot go back, you can do even better than ever as you move forward.

Ralph Marston

Read more: here