New Sketches

There are a couple of new sketches in my journal. :)

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My Loyal Helper

Hi there!

I'm working at a translation right now.

Have to work like a mad one if I don't want to continue doing it the whole night through.

So, no time for writing actually.

But look at my desk!

My journal and pens are still extremely close by

and I manage to find time to write down something now and then. :)

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It Might Be Finished

Today, I worked a bit more at the painting from yesterday and it might be finished until I decide otherwise. :)

What do you think?

And I got even a nice byproduct: these stripes of paper towel soaked in dry pigments and acrylic medium. :)

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Experimenting With Pigments

Today, my youngest son and I are experimenting with pigments again and I'm loving it. :)

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Moving On

Working from home

always inspires me.

So, 

We are moving on:

Me and this painting.

Both

loving,

living,

moving,

breathing,

challenging

ourselves

and

each other...

Not finished

yet.

Previous stages here, here, here, and here.

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Still A Puzzle

Don't ask me, where this is heading to, because, right now, I'm not having the slightest idea. :)

Would you like to see some of the previous stages? It's possible here, here, and here .

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I Love It Here

It's getting colder here. And the heating system is totally centralized and collectivized since the Soviet time, when these houses were built.

That means, the heating will be available only after certain conditions are met even for the ones, who can pay for it.

And, after that, it will be adjusted for the whole house at once and stop only in the spring. But that's not the problem for us right now.

It's pretty chill in our apartment. Our pets are moving closer to sleep.

This is the absolutely closest, as it gets. And, for each of them, this is a true act of bravery.

As it is my bed, I sleep between them as well, when I do. And love the warmth around me, especially - from the dog. Although, sometimes it's challenging, when the dog forgets herself. :)

Yes, it's fall and it's getting colder. The first snow forecast by the end of the week.

But look at all this glorious beauty I see right now in the neighborhood...

...and our house entrance...

... and a little piece of the view from my room!

You get it, why I love it here even at this time of the year, don't you? :)

(BTW: the flower shop is in the flat building on the bottom of the image.)

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Inspired By The Same Book

Yesterday, I finished reading "In The Shadow of Babylon" by John Schwartz. Still fascinated by it.

This might be another character from it sketched with a ball point pen on a scrap in the flower shop. :)

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Beauty All Around

It's getting really beautiful here lately with the colorful foliage and all the late bloomers. As the weather is mostly really nice, I try to enjoy and capture the beauty around me, when ever I see it by daylight.

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Another Intense Week

This week has been pretty intense again.

I'm settling in the flower shop and practically living in this corner of a supermarket entrance for the most part of my waking time. :)

Thank goodness, they have a free WiFi there and our old ASUS notebook works well enough to keep me online for the boring time, when nobody needs my services.

As I have to work long hours from Sunday to Thursday, there is not much time for anything outside the shop.

But being busy always makes me super prolific. So, not only does our home look cleaner and I cook regularly, but I even reorganized my room and put up an extra table for jewelry stuff.

For now, I don' t actually find the energy to make anything. So, my plan is to use the hours that I will spend in the gift shop for making jewelry. Let's see, how it works. ;)

Because of the life intensity I didn't add anything to my diary for 10 days, but, yesterday, I resumed writing in it again. I feel a real need to do it.

Yesterday, I stumbled upon this article. Seems, like writing has many great benefits not only for me. :D

And playing with art supplies, most definitely, has them as well.

Last Saturday, I gathered leaves in the town and, since than, have experimented now and than using them and acrylic inks on the canvas I started last week adding some texture.

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Time of Big Changes

The last couple of weeks have been full of big changes for me inwardly and outwardly.

Weather is unusually warm, and on most days - sunny, but the trees know, it's autumn.

Love my hometown Liepaja! It (actually "She" in Latvian) is so beautiful at any time of the year! :)

Step by step, I'm returning to my usual cheerful and hopeful self, that sees beauty and goodness in everything.

And the sandplay therapy is helping me a lot.

And I have a day job. Since last Thursday, I work in a flower shop.

The salary is low and the working week is long, but there are lots of benefits as well. The biggest one: the shop is in a building right next to our home. :)

And things in the shop, that was ready to sell my creations, have started out really well, especially - regarding jewelry with semi precious stones.

The owner is interested in all kinds of cooperation with me.

So, I decided to spend a couple of hours every week in the shop to take in orders and jewelry for repair. And my desk at home looks mostly like this, when I get to it.

But I still started a new painting last night. :D

Thank goodness for the slow years and months before! My life seems gathering speed very quickly right now. And I love it!!! :D

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An Intense Week

The week started with a still inflamed jaw and my first therapy session.

I felt really tired after 2 and 1/2 hours of telling "my story" and crying, but the conversation really helped me to change the way I was looking at my situation.

On Tuesday, I started to work at a tailor's shop. It was more of a learning than working, but I managed not to ruin this top. :)

Needed 2 full working days though to sew it together the right way with 2 machines I had never touched before. :)

By the end of the week, it was pretty clear to me, that earning a living as a seamstress isn't for me.

But I learned a load over there and leaving the house every day worked for me in many other ways as well:

1. on most days, I walked to and from work and discovered lovely streets and beautiful trees on the way
2. I visited my mom twice on my way home, one of the times, I met my sister at my mom's as well
3. I started to get used to a new routine
4. I made some new acquaintances
5. the owner of the tailor's shop might appreciate my other services in the future
6. I found a shop that would be glad to sell my creations including paintings
7. I was feeling much less depressed than lately

Late on Saturday night I had a crying attack, when I stopped keeping me together and just let out all the stress.

But it wasn't too severe, and I even managed, somehow, to explain my condition to my youngest son, who came to me asking what happened. :)

Cool, right?

In addition, on Saturday night, I discovered the first decent job offering after months of searching.

I e-mailed my application right away not expecting to receive any answer sooner than on Monday, if any at all.

Today, the director/owner invited me to a job interview on Wednesday, although I had forgotten to attach my CV to the e-mail. :) YAY!

I really hope I get the job and it's really fulfilling, not only bringing in some money.

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Another Tough Week

Last week started out really nicely with great time spent with friends online and offline.

And I worked on this painting.

And I added something to my diary every day.

And, on Thursday, I found out, that I can get 10 sessions with a therapist for free and registered for the first one. And I experienced real support and understanding in the social services.

Besides, the same day, 3 employers invited me to an interview. Two of them wanted me to start working right away.

I really liked one of the tailor shops. But it's a new business, and the income is too insecure.

The third one is a supermarket with really long working days, but at least guarantied minimal wage. Now, I'm not sure, what to do...

In addition, a tooth started bothering me on Wednesday. It has been problematic for years, and, mostly, it stopped aching after a couple of days.

This time, it seems to be really bad. I don't have money for the dentist. But, if I don't get it fixed, I, most probably, can't start working anywhere...

That's why I loved working from home, as I could do it even being sick and in my PJs. But that's not an option for me any more I guess.

So, I'm feeling really powerless, trapped in my body and circumstances again...

And Robin Williams took his life on Monday...

Thank goodness for the great course with GP Walsh! It helps me to hang on. (BTW: I can still get you in for $97. Just let me know, OK?)

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Feeling Down

During the last week, I have felt more and more depressed again.

First of all, it might be, because last of our rats died on July 31th and I was grieving (still am).

But my inability to earn decent income is pressing me down even more. Translation jobs are coming in slowly and are mostly very small.

Almost every day, I sent out my application to at least one employer, but none of them even invited me to an interview... Not that I wanted those underqualified jobs in the first place...

But, with every day without change, there is less and less hope in me...

Money is scarce, and the belief, that I'm actually living on the expense of my children makes me feel more and more like a useless burden to them...

When they were small, I felt like they needed me. Now, they might be better off without me...

Another thing, that depresses me, is the isolation. All my friends live abroad and so does half of my family. But the lives of my relatives, that still live here, are hard enough not to burden them with my heaviness...

This is not the inner state that makes me able to paint. I started and finished 3 more paintings, but was not happy with them, so, that's it for a while I guess.

For now, I'm barely keeping up with adding some paint to my diary pages like this, for instance.

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New Paintings

Last week has been really nice for me.

Most of all because I re-started painting after a year long hiatus. And it feel really good to be able to do it again.

These are 3 of the 4 paintings I started and finished this week. The #4 was finished tonight and it was too dark for a shoot already.

Besides, I swam in the sea almost every night and even rode a bike to and from the beach, which was something new and really brave of me. It all brought back something of the happy childhood feelings.

In addition, we got some rain yesterday and the temps have dropped a bit, but it's still warm enough for me to sleep on the balcony. :)

And I had one more sale on Etsy.

So, yes, this was a really nice week,

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A Nice Week

This past week has been a bit easier on me in spite of the heat we are having here right now.

* I added a bit to my diary spreads every day. These are some of the "finished" ones.

* My daughter underwent the medical tests she needs to submit her papers to the next school.

* I visited my sister and we had a good chat. On the way home, I did some good shopping.

* The heat is still high, but bearable. Last night, I slept on the balcony. It felt really great!

* My oldest son helped me to reset his old iPhone he gave to me, so, now, I can use it.

* I had a tiny sale on Etsy.

* On Wednesday, I started to participate in the 5 week course The Chakra Effect: Evolving Into A Harmonious Human with GP Walsh.

GPs teaching resonates with me 100%, but I didn't have the money to take the course. When I said it to GP, he invited me to join for free and made my heart sing!

Now, I can get you in for $97. If you are interested, please, contact me via e-mail shown below.

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Hibernating in Summer

The heat is gone. There were a couple of chill and rainy days, but, now, it's sunny and warm.

It would be nice to be outside, but... I'm mostly sitting inside reading or watching movies.

And dabbing or doodling over my diary pages now and than. From the finished spreads, this is my favorite so far.

Thank goodness for the need to walk our dog (although those walks turn out pretty stressful sometimes) and to buy groceries, or I might not leave the house for weeks.

Have sent my CV to at least 10 employers. One of them even invited me to an interview. After that - silence... Didn't like most of the vacancies anyway... But how to live and feed my 2 youngest kids and our 4 pets without money in this world? And how to feel worthwhile without anybody ready to reward my services?

Listed another of my works in my shop on redbubble.com. But what change does it make? Depressing...

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Dabbing & Doodling

There is not much to show off. For the last 5-6 days, a heat wave is my main excuse. 

Temperatures next to +30C are really hard to bear here in the North. Thank goodness, it's starting to cover up and chill down today!

But I'm still playing in my diary at least a bit every day. This is the page finished today.

I'm not particularly happy with it, but I love, that after not touching any art supplies for almost a year, it all feels new to me again.

And I don't know, for how long I will do it in these old altered books, as the pages are definitely too fragile for my method of working in many layers and using a fair amount of water.

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Nature Inspired

I'm still not creating much. Would have plenty of time for that: I still haven't found a day job and am not getting serious translation jobs lately.

But not being needed and payed for it makes me feel pretty depressed and not creative at all.

So, most of my time is spent with sleep, books and movies. Would love to knit, but my left hand isn't healed enough for that.

So, I'm still playing in my diary. This is the page finished last night.

It is even good enough for the Journal52 project, as this week's prompt is Nature Inspired. :) Many flowers are blooming here in Latvia right now. And I love them all!

It is all super simple, and I'm not very happy about that. So I feel a longing for getting my hand on a "real" painting rising again. We'll see, right? :)

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Baby Steps

After months of not touching any art supplies, I'm starting to add color to my plain and boring diary pages and doing it more or less every day.

Nothing fancy, just playing with water soluble soft pastels and acrylic varnish. But it's a start, right? :)

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